Barney's test in the paper.

The Port Douglas and Mossman Gazette have a small piece about the launch of Barney's test.

Our very own columnist Hettie Ashwin has penned another novel. Her signature humour shines through with this romantic comedy about Barney Vokes the hopeless romantic as he comes up to bat in the game of love.

Hettie said she had always wanted to have a go at a romantic comedy as they are one of her favourite movie genres. Hettie has written 7 other novels covering thrillers, Science Fiction and short stories, but humour is her favourite genre.

 The novel centres on Barney Vokes and his quest to find love. Humility, hubris and hand/eye co-ordination all play a part in being the man of the match. What he thinks he wants, what he really wants and what he eventually discovers is that love is a bit more complicated than cricket.

Helene Young, multi award winning romance writer summed up the book.

Hettie Ashwin’s new release is a wry look at life in a small country town where the measure of a man can be found in the way he performs on the cricket pitch. You won’t need to be a sports fan to appreciate Barney Vokes, the man of the moment, and his obsession with the willow and the leather.

Ashwin’s trademark humour will have you cheering on the hapless Barney as he pursues the love of his life, finding along the way that sometimes what you wish for is a very dangerous thing.

With a colourful cast of characters, including an extended Greek family, BARNEY’S TEST, captivated me from the painful opening scene to the rollicking ending when Barney’s perseverance pays off – although not necessarily in the way I expected!

If you want to buy a copy see Hettie at the Port Douglas Sunday Markets or just go online. You wont’ be disappointed.

Kindle version of Barney's Test.

Barney's Test this is the link to buy for your Kindle at 
$4.95
A romantic comedy with a little cricket thrown in.

Who would have thought a high school sweetheart could turn Barney Vokes, a hopeless romantic and cricket fanatics life upside down.

Joan Brenton, recently separated, comes back to the wheat belt town of Wallaroy and Barney has the idea he can rekindle his love. It is a one sided thought as Joan is keeping her options open.

Barney's love life is complicated by his best friend's wife, Angela Zamaris who sees herself as a matchmaker. She has plenty of cousins. Rosa Zupola, from Sydney is a likely candidate.

While trying to fend off Angela's cousin and hook up with Joan, Barney ends up being a loser. Rosa and Joan think it is practically tattooed on his forehead.

But for Barney his luck is about to change. He wins a trip to Sydney for the last round of a cricket competition. Hubris makes him invite Joan along in the hope of some horizontal hustle.

As the winner of the competition Barney's place in the match is assured Now itching to get between the sheets, Barney races to Joan's room only to find an ex husband beat him to the game. His heart is broken and the only thing to do now is play on in the charity match.

It turns out Barney is a sensation. He is a meme on the internet especially when he gets K.Oed by the ball and is out for the count for the rest of the match.

It is Rosa who comes to his side. It is Rosa who shares the moment with Barney and it is Rosa who sees Joan and her ex reunited in the first aid room.

With Barney's popularity on a high he now must choose his future and utters the words to Rosa that cement his love life,

"There is more to life than cricket."

Barney's test

These are the final covers for my romantic comedy. Looking good.

Covers complete for my next novel.

Here are the covers for my next humorous novel. A romantic comedy with a cricket twist. 

Barney's Test cover all done and dusted.

this is the new version of the cover for my romantic comedy. The book is not far behind. Release date. January 2015.

Barney's Test Snippet

Angela pushed her cousin out the front and towards Barney's table. He opened his eyes to see Rosa sit down.

"Hi Barney." Rosa smiled.

"Hi." Barney's 'hi' had about as much enthusiasm as a child who is given a broccoli lollypop.

"Well I'm here." Rosa said.

"So I see."

"Is Joan coming back?" Rosa asked.

Barney looked up at the woman. He couldn't believe she still had the idea that Joan was on the dating books.

"Look I don't need this." Barney said. Rosa looked over to her cousin who mouthed the word, 'mother'. Rosa nodded. She had mothering instincts she said to herself. A mantra she often repeated when people took her business acumen for a personality. She nodded at Angela and then took up Barney's fork for the baklava and began to cut his sweet into little bits. She poked at a bit and went to feed him keeping the serviette under his chin. It wasn't the sort of mothering Angela had in mind and she rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue.

"What are you doing?" Barney sat back and frowned at Rosa.

"But I..." Barney took the fork and banged it on the table. Rosa, left with just the serviette, started to wipe his mouth for him.

Barney's Test. snippet

Before he went to bed Barney held up one lens of his broken glasses to his better eye and looked in the mirror. He was a mess. The bridge of his nose was so bruised it was the same colour as a pomegranate and grape smoothie . His sockets were ringed in purple and his nose, which he considered his best feature reminded him of a proboscis monkey. There was no way he could actually wear his glasses and so the myopic squint he developed made him look especially gormless. The Doctor with his good looks, his bank balance and his standing in Wallaroy had already made a score on the board on the first ball.

 Overs                            1

 Proboscis Monkey       0

Good looking usurper  3

Barney's test. snippet.

Barney is given some "red" pills to perk him up so he can go to a Greek wedding...

"Nonsense. You wait. Those suckers will kick in and you will be right as rain."

"But..." Angela held up her hand for no arguments and Barney flopped back into his pillow. He looked at his best friend's wife. She used to be drop dead gorgeous. Long lustrous dark hair, olive skin and deep mysterious eyes and boy how she swayed those hips when she walked. Now she was a bit thicker all over, her hair was always in a ponytail and she looked perpetually tired. He narrowed his eyes as his mind suddenly jumped to conclusions like a sack race at a Sunday school picnic.

"There's not going to be all your cousins there, are there?"

"Whatdayamean?" Angela perched on the end of Barney's bed and picked at the quilt cover.

"Angela?" Barney has a sneaking suspicion that Angela was matchmaking again. She could be straight out of Fiddler on the Roof the way she tried to marry him off.

"Oi, I have such a match for you. Such a nice girl. Such a beauty you'll see. So he has a nose like a cow. Such a good wife. A nice wife. So she is fat. A good cook she is. Oi I have a match for you."

"I really can't say. Maybe one or two." One or two in Angela's vocab meant the whole family. Barney had seen some before and those that weren't married, well, it was for a reason.

"So she will grow a little wide. It is a good set of hips, for children. And a moustache is not a sin. Just a hair or two...or three. They are good girls, nice girls...old is a blessing. You'll see. A blessing."

Barney could see the cousins lined up at the foot of his bed and it gave him the shivers.

"Are you cold?" Angela asked. Barney shook his head and tried to think of an out.

"Sick?" He nodded and put on a face.

"It's the pills. I'll get you something in your stomach." 

Barney's Test

My new Rom Com. This is going to be fun. I have don the research on what makes a rom com and I think I can write one.

THE GAME OF LOVE IS MORE COMPLICATED THAN CRICKET.