Showing posts with label Fat Bits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fat Bits. Show all posts

Thursday, 28 January 2016

FAT BITS out now


FAT BITS
is available as a paperback  Here


Evelyn Wright is 29, works in a hospital sterilizing unit and her biological clock is a time bomb, according to her sister, Joy. 
 
When Joy discovers via the internet that on average a woman has 8 sexual partners before finding Mr Right, it triggers Evelyn to go fishing, because as her father often says, 
“There are plenty of fish in the sea.” 
 
Over the course of 8 different men Evelyn learns about sex and what they got up to in the Karma Sutra without a back massage. 
And of course she learns about love...eventually.

Thursday, 14 January 2016

Finished. Now for the spit and polish.

It is finished. Now for the hard yards of editing. 
Wait for it tiger...

The sea hath fish for every (wo)man.

Evelyn Wright is going fishing, but when the internet says on average a woman has 8 sexual partners before she finds the perfect man, Evelyn will need a special lure to land the catch of the day.

Friday, 1 January 2016

FAT BITS Adult only *bits*


A bit of fun from FAT BITS my work in progress.
ADULTS ONLY

Some people need a bit of coaxing. Tom wasn’t one of those people.

He pulled at my plastic zip and my crop top practically fell off. I have never kissed a man with a beard, but the experience was very sensual. Tom caressed my breasts with his beard and kissed my boobs, burying his face in my cleavage. When he came up for air he threw himself on my lap and took my head in his hands and kissed me, using his tongue to maximum effect. He ran it over my lips, around my teeth, and played with my tongue until I could feel his erection in my lap.
“Oh, Evelyn.” He whispered. It was just a hop, skip and a jump to his bedroom. I surveyed the linen,(‘cause it is the mark of a man the way he keeps his linen,) and then we fell onto his bed.
“Tom?”
“Yes?”
“Do you, um…”
“Oh, of course.”
How considerate I thought as he rolled my lycra leggings off.
“Are you comfortable?” Tom grabbed a pillow and put it under my head. What a kind gesture. Here was a gentleman.
He stood up and took his trousers off and took the time to fold them and hang them over one of those valet chair thingos. Then he pulled off his t-shirt and did the same. Neat and tidy. I like that in a man.
I lay there on his bed and basked in his niceness when I caught him looking at my thighs.
“Are you ok?” He pointed to my legs.
“Yes. Just wonderful.” I said.
“No, I mean, look.” He pointed. I propped myself up and took a look at the sticking point in question. My inner thighs were an angry red. No wonder I was going for the burn. I had chafe that looked like a raspberry birthmark. Any more and I could have started a forest fire.
“Does it hurt?”
“I guess so.” I touched the inflamed spot.
“Do you want some cream?”
I could see our moment of passion disappearing, so I played down the rash.
“Nah. I’m ok. Happens all the time. Go for the burn they say.” I laughed it off.
Tom wasn’t too convinced with my act so I went into overdrive trying to be seductive.
“So, um, where were we?” I took off my bra and threw it with abandon on the floor. Tom thoughtfully picked it up and placed it on his chair.
“About here.” He lay next to me and kissed my nipples. It was enough to make them stand erect and before we knew it we were naked, Tom was on top of me, I had my legs wrapped around his torso and he was pumping away, going for the burn.
It was then that I turned my head to see Bonzo sitting on the floor, watching. Having a dog watch you making love is one of those moments that you are not likely to forget or one that you don’t want to repeat. It certainly put the dampeners on it for me. I tried to discreetly shoo him away, but he was glued like a porn movie addict.
“What’s the matter?” Tom could feel I was off the boil.
“Nothing. Really it’s nothing.” I grabbed his butt and pulled him in closer and bit his neck. He moaned, shuddered and it was all over red Rover, only it wasn’t Rover, it was Bonzo.

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

A bit of titillation in my new WIP. FAT BITS

I came out and he was kicking back on his fake leather lounge that had more cracks in it than the terrazzo at Pompeii.
“Wanna a drink?”
“Well, I’m driving, so I really shouldn’t.”
“Suit yourself.” He patted the space next to him on the settee.
“Sit down why don’t you?”
I looked around for another chair, but there was only the relic from Pompeii.
“I guess I should be going really.” I didn’t want to get into a ‘thing’ with Frankie, although as I played out a few scenarios, being seen with a Colin Firth dopppleganger was a definite plus. As I weighed up my options I saw Tess hovering over me saying ‘go for it.’ I saw my sister pointing to my biological clock and then Frankie turned from a bit of a dick to another fish in the sea.

When a large woman sits on a small settee with a medium sized good looking fish things can get a bit cosy. I plomped myself down and Frankie smiled. He put his hand on my knee and I narrowed my preconceived ideas on how the evening would pan out.
“I think we have a lot in common.”
“Really?” I said.
“Yeah,” Frankie leant forward and flicked the lava lamp on and then swung his arm up behind me and turned off the main fluro.
“You’re single, I’m single. The odds of us getting together according to …” That’s when I threw caution to the wind and kissed him.
It didn’t take him more than a second to get the hint to stop talking. As I was teasing his bottom lip my mind thought that at the outside I could pretend I was kissing Colin Firth, but Frankie was very responsive. Things began to get interesting as he pushed me back on the seat and gave my tonsils a bit of a thrashing with his tongue. Any further and he would have tickled that delicate spot between keeping your dinner down and seeing the carrots all over again.
I kissed him back, trying to get worked up, but breathing through your nose and kissing is a bit like playing the didgeridoo. We sucked face and then I broke off for a breath of air.
“It’s Evelyn isn’t it?”
Right there I should have called a halt. I mean, if he can’t remember your name, what hope is there?
I closed my eyes and Colin came into view.
“Yes.” I said with as much breathy breath I could muster.
He went for my throat and began nibbling and ended at my ear lobes. Who would have thought they could be so sensitive and I thanked my lucky stars my mother had put her foot down when I was 12 and forbid me to get them pierced. I nibbled his ear lobes and they were soft and tender like fruit pastilles. We were nibbling, and kissing when my body clock gave me a jab around about the half hour mark and I felt an urge that I hadn’t felt before. An ache that started in my nether regions and worked its way up to my belly button.
“Hell’s bells, it’s hot in here.” I pulled him off me.
I didn’t think it sounded like an invitation and I hadn’t meant it as such, but Frankie began to undo the buttons on my shirt.
Here it was again. That moment when you need to weigh up the options and either call a halt or go for it.
#I was 29 years old for God’s sake.
#Apparently on average. people have 8 sexual partners
#I was 29 years old for God’s sake.
Frankie was three buttons in when my ample bosom met the mood lighting of the lava lamp. From where I was sitting they looked quite nice. Lush, inviting and plump. Frankie took one look and the exclamation was less than subtle.
“Holy shit.”
“I beg your pardon?” I said with just a hint of displeasure.
“They’re bloody enormous.”
“Excuse me?” I said.
He sat back and pointed as if picking out an attraction for a tourist bus. I could just imagine it as my ardour went from red lining to cold shower.
“And here we have the famous tits. Note their size in relative terms. Postcards can be bought at the gift shop on the way out.”
“It’s just that I…um…I.”
“What?” I’m sure Colin wouldn’t have reacted like this.
“I never…”
“Well you have now, so either get over it or get on with it.” I said. I had read enough of Cleo to know sometimes you just need to take charge. “Women on top,” I said to myself thinking of Mary.
Frankie ran his fingers through his hair and kept starring.
“Frankie?”
“Mmm.”
“Is there a problem?” I felt we were losing the last of the moment so I undid my last three buttons and pulled him close for a kiss. I could tell his heart wasn’t in it and then of all the times, my stomach began to growl. A low rumble that ended in a gurgle like a bath plug being pulled.
“Sorry, I’m sort of hungry.”
“Yeah.” Frankie sat up and without taking his eyes off my boobs he added, “hungry.”
There was a tone in Frankie’s voice, a nuance that I must have missed as he sat there and admired my breasts. He let out a low moan. A combination of a growl and a beast in pain.
“Pardon?”
“Oh Evelyn.” Frankie shuffled closer, if that is possible on a small two seater.
“May I?” he asked like a kid asking for a lollie.
It had never occurred to me that a man might ask my permission. In my limited experience it was wham bam and not even a thank you ma’am.


Saturday, 20 June 2015

Fat Bits my new work in progress.

The real side of sex : when you would rather have a tissue than a cigarette! 
Evelyn Wright is casting for that one fish in the sea, but she has to throw a few back first.

The sea hath fish for every man.(sic)

William Camden


'There are plenty of fish in the sea'or so my mother often said, 'you just need the right bait.'

Thursday, 7 May 2015

New Work in Progress. Fifty shades WATCH OUT

my new humorous work in progress. In the planning stages just now. 
FAT BITS.
How one woman finds love and sex are two completely different things.The average woman (so they say)  will have 8 sexual partners before getting Mr Right. 



Evelyn hopes it doesn't take that long.


I love this sculpture for the cover, but you can't go past a classic.