Mr tripp has arrived

 The book has come hot off the press.

Well done,told friends how good it is, think a lot will be downloading   good luck.    First good short review

Mr Tripp buys a lifestyle

Now available in paperback from Createspace

ᴥ He who would go to sea for pleasure,

would go to hell for a pastime ᴥ

French Proverb.

 

What does boat stand for? Bring On Another Thousand...

Colin and Vivian Tripp buy a 'bargain' cement boat called Moonlighting with a romantic idea of the sea. Balmy nights, sundowners on the deck, midnight swims in tropical waters around North Queensland, it all seems so romantic.

What they get is a bucket load of troubles, a myriad of mishaps - plus some fun.

From the intricacies of anchoring to taming sea sickness, they weather the storms to eventually find a joie de vivre, albeit with the aid of an assortment of characters, who all seem to be experts about something.

Mr Tripp buys 6 Cartoons

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Snippet from Mr Tripp buys a lifestyle.

The stinky mob in boating talk are those without mast or sails, (stick and rag), but have a diesel or iron jib. They usually congregate on the back of a boat and talk dirty. Ian, Malcolm, Trevor and Rob were sitting on Gofasta and beckoned Colin over.

"Listen, we have a problem mate and were wondering if you could help?"

"Me?" Colin suddenly felt like an old salt and wished he'd had the forethought to wear his peaked cap. He adjusted his glasses, puffed out his chest and smiled.

"Yeah. Hop on

board," Trevor said and he opened the transom gate. Colin jumped onboard the 44ft powerboat and took the offer of a beer.

"I don't know if I can be of much help." Colin offered. He felt he was beginning to get a handle on things, but nevertheless to be asked his advice on boating matters was a big morale boost.

"Nah, she'll be right." Malcolm said. He picked up a boat scrubbing brush and Ian picked up another one.

"So which is softer?" Ian asked. All the men looked at Colin expectantly. Col felt the bristles, he rubbed his hand over the brushes, he looked at the colours and fingered the feathered ends.

"Er...this one I think," he said pointing to the yellow one Malcolm was holding.

"See, I told ya." Malcolm put his brush down and Ian shook his head.

"I've see the new double shanked, triple bristle with a twist and they say you can wash with confidence knowing they won't scratch, bend or break." Trevor waded into the debate.

"Yeah, but I still reckon my brush has, with its nylon bristles, more staying power." Ian said.

"Well it all depends on your choice of shampoo." Rob came into the conversation. "Without a wax treatment you're just wasting your time with brushes."

"Er..." Colin began, "Are you talking about washing the boat?" The four men stared at Colin as if he has just asked if they wanted to wash their boats in truck wash with a cheap synthetic chamois, God forbid.

" Mate...of course." Trevor answered.

What Colin failed to realise was that boat washing is almost an Olympic sport with stink boat owners. The talk moved onto buffing and here things began to get technical. Colin listened in while drinking beer and began to learn a whole new vocabulary. He left the boys talking on the merits of non kink hoses and squirters and staggered back to Moonlighting which would have needed a whole flock of sheeps wool buffers to get a shine.

            "Where did you get to?" Vivian looked at her husband who seems a little worse for wear.

"Just chatting with the lads." Colin slopped down the stairs and kissed his wife. He threw himself on the blowup bed and closed his eyes,

"Just five minutes Viv," and he began to snore.

snippet from Mr Tripp buys a lifestyle

There is a belief that what went in must come out. It seems an obvious thought, but on a boat nothing is that simple. The Tripps had inherited a thick, stiff, foam mattress that had the dimensions of a Mac truck with all the nobbly bits sticking out. It was in three bits and looked like it would just fold in half and go through the door. Vivian pulled and the thing sprung back like a sciatic nerve. Colin tried to roll and it flipped over taking him with it as a contender for World Championship wrestling. They employed some rope and tried to put the two end together and ended up wrapped in it like a kebab. 

"I think we need to be a bit canny here." Viv thought on the problem. "What if we take it out of its cover, then we will have three separate bits. She found the zip and gently gave it a tug. The zip was welded shut with rust.

"Who puts a bloody metal zip on a boat, ridiculous!" Colin was ready to rip the thing into shred as his frustration level grew.

"What about if I..." Vivian began. Colin held up his hand. "Right, I'm taking charge." He grabbed the unwieldy mattress and wrestled it into a nonagon and then via brute force pushed it through the doorway to the saloon. It jagged, caught and snagged on the table, the engine box, the latches and knocked a light off the bulkhead. He heaved the monster past the table and threw himself at the companionway stairs. The mattress sprung out and much like trying to put a cat in a bucket of water it wasn't going outside come hell or high water.

It was a close call who won the first round as Colin pushed and shoved and the monster sprang, flipped and bounced and finally was squeezed through the companionway hatch and into the cockpit. It hung on to the last catching on the rigging and the ropes before it was unceremoniously dumped on the dock.

"We're getting hammocks." Colin said as he wiped the sweat from his face.

Mr Tripp buys a lifestyle. teaser.

The Tripps have been taken out for a test sail and their pesky neighbour Ted Gunn has managed to tag along...

Vivian looked up at the sail, the seagulls, the sunlight playing on the waves and nodded at her husband. It was all just perfect. The three drank in the moment when there was a loud band and crash heard from below and Ted bolted up the steps and made a bee line for the rail. He leaned over and heaved. Avery, Colin and Viv politely looked the other way as Ted squandered their cut lunch, feeding the fish. The noises he made would try the hardiest of constitutions and it was with more than a modicum of self control that the three kept their stomachs in check. When Ted as finished he stood up,

"I feel better now." Colin swallowed hard and tried to keep his mind on Avery's words, but it didn't look good as the mal de mare tightened it's grip on his stomach.

"Col?" Viv looked at her husband as his face resembled an open mouthed clown at the showgrounds and then his lips pursed so tight an Egyptian would have had a hard time putting a cigarette paper between them.

"Col?" Vivian took his arm. Colin shook his head and pleaded with his eyes not to answer. He swallowed once more then puffed out his cheeks and sucked them back in again. It was a spectacular show as he scrunched his face, squeezed his eyes tight then let out an enormous burp. As he gradually turned white, then a pale green those present knew the inevitable was about to happen.

"I'll just go and check those fenders," Vivian scooted up the bow of the boat.

"I think I need to check the engine." Avery left the wheel on lock and jumped two at a time down the steps to the cabin. Colin stole a glance at Ted and if looks could kill the police might have been looking for a double murder with only one victim.

"Nothing to it," Ted said as he poked his straw in a fruit drink and smiled. Colin, now in the grip, lunged for the stern rail and opened his mouth. He waited, dribble the only outcome. He closed his eyes and wished he were dead. He toyed with the idea of suicide, a noose, blunt force trauma, anything to get going.

He listened as Ted sucked the last of the juice and wished he could shove that box right down his neighbour's neck. He thought it a grand idea and was just about to return to the cockpit when his breakfast once again saw the light of day.

playtime is over

I gave myself a month to muck about in the social media pool. I explored Twitter, I did the facebook thing. Now it is time to get back to writing
my humorous novel

Mr. Tripp buys a lifestyle is plotted. It is ready to go.

Not quite a Popeye adventure, the novel has a strong smell of the sea and a lot of humour.

So the clock is ticking and I'm ready to write.

Mr Tripp buys a lifestyle

Have finished chapter one. a good 5k words.
introduced the characters and their traits
mentioned the side characters and a sub plot
set the scene
built up the story for the next chapter.
Left the audience hanging at the end.

I think I have ticked all the boxes. I have plotted out the chapters and so now it is just the fun stuff.

what a hoot

Mr Tripp buys a lifestyle

Here is a link to my blog post. Picked up by a blogginess e/paper
Die van Dooyenburghe Allgemeine 

this is a good place to scout for stories, updates etc. No need to hunt, when the target comes to you.

New comedy novel on the go. Mr. Tripp buys a lifestyle

Mr Tripp buys a lifestyle
this is my new novel in progress.
It is in the vein of

and

These two books were made into hilarious films.

Chapter One

Mr. Colin Tripp stood back and admired her elegant lines. The words of the agent once again floated through his dream like state. Sound, solid, elegant lady of the sea and a steal. He roused himself and blinked in the bright sunlight. The birds were singing the fish were jumping and if there was cotton it would we high. Mrs Tripp took a look at her husband's glassy eyes and saw the unmistakable signs of love.

"Isn't she a beauty?" he purred to his wife. A real lady of the sea."

Mrs Vivian Tripp answered in her reserved manner

"Mmmm."

"What do you think? I mean really think darling." Mr Tripp looked at the 38' Gaff rigged ferro called Moonlighting which was moored at Hope Basin Marina.